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I just got back from a four day trip to Las Vegas and it was a jolly good time. Now I have to get back to work and provide you worthless fucktards with more porn than you could possibly beat your dick to (even if you are beating it worse than Australia got beat by Germany in the SOCCER World Cup a couple days ago).

Some quick highlights of my trip:
- Watching someone snort a crushed up ecstasy pill off of a glass table.
- Seeing drunk women, who had apparently lost their shoes, stumble out of night clubs at 3am falling all over the place. That’s always a great way to make yourself a target for a mugging and/or sexual assault. Shouldn’t at least one girl stay sober to get the other skanks home safely?
- Eating at the Bellagio buffet. That place is fucking awesome. The P.U.B. restaurant/bar located between Aria and Crystals is also a great place to hit for pub food in Vegas. Holy fuck they have some good buffalo wings, bison burgers and beef sliders.
- Going to see ‘Get Him to the Greek’ because it’s one hilarious fucking movie.
- My buddy Mike making it rain with a champagne bottle before watching Rich Franklin knock Chuck Liddell the fuck out. If Chuck doesn’t retire now, he deserves whatever brain damage he gets.
- Going to the Pawn Stars shop and witnessing once again how fake ‘reality‘ TV really is. What a fucking dump.

I would post some pictures now, but I didn’t take any because I hate you. Imma shit on these walls!

With oil gushing out of holes in the ocean and volcanoes erupting so bad motherfuckers can’t even fly across the Atlantic anymore for days, we should really consider the fact that we’re all going to die. Soon. It’s time to slit our wrists and lose control of our sphincters as we bleed out and shit ourselves simultaneously.

But really, what better time could there be to beat your dick to some fucked up porn than now? You could be dead tomorrow or your asshole might fall out when you’re pushing too hard on the shitter. Maybe you’ll get shoved down a flight of stairs by some ginger bitch, end up in a coma and die like Gary Coleman. Afterwards, the cunt will talk about how you were such a great person because you bought her a car. Good thing she’s not a selfish, plug-pulling fuckslut.

In other, ever-important news: The Golden Girls are down to one. Betty White is the only living Golden Girl after Rue McClanahan (Blanche Devereaux) died due to a stroke this week. See… everybody is dying! Or maybe they were just old-as-fuck? Either way, it’s sad news and I hope Betty White can host another shitty episode of SNL before she dies.

Wanna be my BFF? I’ll probably post again when I’m shitfaced, so it’s better quality than this.