Fucking Mother Fucker Blog

With oil gushing out of holes in the ocean and volcanoes erupting so bad motherfuckers can’t even fly across the Atlantic anymore for days, we should really consider the fact that we’re all going to die. Soon. It’s time to slit our wrists and lose control of our sphincters as we bleed out and shit ourselves simultaneously.

But really, what better time could there be to beat your dick to some fucked up porn than now? You could be dead tomorrow or your asshole might fall out when you’re pushing too hard on the shitter. Maybe you’ll get shoved down a flight of stairs by some ginger bitch, end up in a coma and die like Gary Coleman. Afterwards, the cunt will talk about how you were such a great person because you bought her a car. Good thing she’s not a selfish, plug-pulling fuckslut.

In other, ever-important news: The Golden Girls are down to one. Betty White is the only living Golden Girl after Rue McClanahan (Blanche Devereaux) died due to a stroke this week. See… everybody is dying! Or maybe they were just old-as-fuck? Either way, it’s sad news and I hope Betty White can host another shitty episode of SNL before she dies.

Wanna be my BFF? I’ll probably post again when I’m shitfaced, so it’s better quality than this.