The site is currently being attacked by hackers. You may have noticed some downtime yesterday and today that was caused by this. My web hosting provider is working hard to control these attacks and there will hopefully be no further downtime. I will keep the site updated as per usual. A new batch of links for the linkdump is being tossed up later on today and there will be some more porn to beat it to served up on this blog as well today. I’m back in action fulltime and will be providing a vast selection of top notch porn to you bastards as per usual. Don’t go scraping your eyes out yet, you may need them to see some wild shit later on!
I have also decided to somewhat turn this into a real blog and not just a listing of picture posts linked to jerk material. I don’t know if you assholes will appreciate my intriguing tales about cock fingering and parrot shit, but I’m still going to tell them. In the spirit of this fucking blog revolution you are about to witness right here, I’m going to tell you cocknests all about my wonderful trip to Orlando, Florida. There will be no pictures, because I have a penis and thus do not carry a camera around with me. Ever. If I hear any complaints about this, I’m going to post a picture of a walrus’ asshole next time to punish you.
My Wonderful Trip to Orlando, Florida - The Write Up You Probably Won’t Read
Day 1: Woke up at around noon. Spent the day driving and stopped in Savannah, Georgia for the night. It was pretty chilly down by the river and we managed to find a nice restaurant, where we were waited on by a forgetful homosexual male who most likely deserves to be shot in the knees with a 12 gauge. This was one of those places where they add 15% gratuity to your bill automatically if you have a party of 6 or more. Well, we had 6 people, so I guess the waiter decided to be a complete douchebag. He forgot to bring out our salads and then tried to tell us they didn’t come with the meal. Needless to say he ended up apologizing multiple times when we taught him how to read the fucking menu at the restaurant he works at. I usually don’t have a problem with gays because I’m German and am obviously way too busy hating Jews as a result, but this bastard must’ve gotten one too many cocks up his ass that made him lose enough blood to just be the most forgetful mother fucker I have ever met. Either way, the food was pretty good. Overpriced with shitty service, but pretty good.
Day 2: Woke up at about 10am I think. Ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Those people know how to make some fucking apple butter. That stuff is amazing. The rest of the day was killed by driving the rest of the way to Orlando, Florida. We stayed at this new resort called Caribe Cove in Kissimmee, which is about 10 minutes from the Magic Kingdom park at Disney World. It has to be the best place I’ve ever stayed at for the price. $130/night got us a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, living room/dining room and kitchen condo. The master bathroom even has a garden tub and the showers are big enough to fit about three people. To put that all in one statement: It’s fucking nice. I don’t really remember if we did anything of significance after we got there, but I know we went to some steakhouse for dinner. It was alright, but seeing that I can’t even remember the name of the place, it can’t have been that good.
Day 3: Disney World, mother fucker! Waiting two hours in 85 degree (that’s about 29 degrees celsius) weather to hug a person dressed in a Minnie Mouse costume is my idea of a good time. They should just put those fucking characters all over the park. That way you don’t have to stand in a fucking line just to get a picture taken with them. But oh well, it made my daughter’s day - along with pretty much everything else that day (except that “scary” Snow White ride where she cried haha). Fast forward 10 hours and we’re out of the park. Yes, 10 fucking hours at this Magic Kingdom place. I was ready to hack my legs off, pickle them and send them to China as a delicacy.
Day 4: We went to the beach. Daytona Beach to be exact. What was supposed to be a 2 hour drive ended up taking 3 and a half hours. At least you can park right on the beach, so you don’t have to walk and get a nice opportunity to work on your quest for obesity. The water was pretty fucking cold, but we still had a good time getting knocked on our asses by big-ass waves, building sand castles and watching people fall off their jetskis. While in Daytona Beach, I also had the opportunity to eat at the dirtiest Subway restaurant on the planet. This place sucked so much dirty ass that they only had two types of bread and after ordering a turkey breast sub, I was asked to wait for 5 minutes while one of the lazy employees retrieved it from the fridge/freezer/wherever the fuck they keep their meat. The tables were covered in the breadcrumbs left by previous costumers and stickiness that I hope was caused by spilled soft drinks and not because people beat off while they ate. I can’t really see a reason to masturbate at this place though. It’s not like the food is very good. I don’t know what else happened that day, so I’m moving on.
Day 5: Chilled by the pool, where this little girl told me that someone peed in the pool, but it wasn’t her. Haha, yes it was! No wonder the water was warm.
Day 6: Did you notice I’m getting too lazy to type now? This was the day we went to Sea World, where they sell cups of shitty beer - Bud Light - for $5. Not even alcoholics pay that. You have to be a complete retard to pay money for Bud Light to begin with, but five fucking dollars for a cup of it? I just stuck to water, which was $2.65 a bottle. Also fucking ridiculous, but I guess it beats dying from dehydration. We saw Shamu and he splashed retarded people holding babies in the SOAK ZONE! Of course the water is cold-as-shit, so the babies started crying and these idiots were forced to leave. Dumb people should not be allowed to breed. Ever.
Day 7: Driving home.
Day 8: Driving home some more.
And that’s the story of my trip to Orlando, Florida. I’m sure I forgot about 90% of what really happened because that’s the type of person I am.
