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Happy fucking Halloween, motherfuckers!

#13: Foxy Jacky fucks herself with a gun. Seriously! - LINK
Provider: Foxy Jacky - Price: $4.95

#12: Melissa Midwest stole a cop car and took it for a ride! Is she fucking retarded? - LINK
Provider: Melissa Midwest - Price: $4.95

#11: 18 year old Lexi Belle gets fucked in her sleep by some creepy guy. - LINK
Provider: Sleep Creep - Price: $1

#10: Slutty Asian teen gets her brains fucked out! - LINK
Provider: 18 Years Old - Price: $1

#09: A bunch of black hookers getting their charcoal pussies pounded! - LINK
Provider: Pimp Parade - Price: $1

#08: Two black big booty bitches get fucked and drenched in malt liquor! - LINK
Provider: 40oz Bounce (Black Girls/White Girls) - Price: $1

#07: Amanda tries to fit the biggest dick in the world into her tight coot! - LINK
Provider: Freaks of Cock - Price: $1

#06: Busty Tanya James bends like a fucking pretzel for her personal trainer. - LINK
Provider: Flexible Positions - Price: $1

#05: European psycho plows through to sexy bitches! - LINK
Provider: Brazzers Network - Price: $1

#04: Slutty doctor can’t resist her patient’s big dick! - LINK
Provider: Brazzers Network - Price: $1

#03: Wanna see Barack Obama fuck Sarah Palin?! This is as close as you’re gonna get! - LINK
Provider: “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?!” from Hustler.com - Price: $3.86

#02: Naturally busty 18yo Nicole Ray fucked hard by her seductive massage therapist! - LINK
Provider: Fucked Hard 18 - Price: $1 per day

#01: The hottest Latina teen on the Internet, Karla Spice, finally went topless! - LINK
Provider: Karla Spice - Price: $24.95 per month

‘Thirteen for Thirsty Thursday’ from previous weeks: Week 25 | Week 24 | Week 23 | Week 22 | Week 21 | Week 20 | Week 19 | Week 18 | Week 17 | Week 16 | Week 15 | Week 14 | Week 13 | Week 12 | Week 11 | Week 10 | Week 9 | Week 8 | Week 7 | Week 6 | Week 5 | Week 4 | Week 3 | Week 2 | Week 1

Here is your Sunday platter of porn-a-plenty, you ugly cocksucker! In case you also wanna see some funny shit, here are a few things: Colin Powell wants to marry Barack Obama | Joe Biden really cares about Sarah Palin’s family | Sarah Palin loves to get gangbanged | I hope Cole Puffinburger’s dad’s name is Peter Puffinburger!

Sarah Palin rap song on SNL last night!

15 links to finish the week from previous weeks: Week 26 | Week 25 | Week 24 | Week 23 | Week 22 | Week 21 | Week 20 | Week 19 | Week 18 | Week 17 | Week 16 | Week 15 | Week 14 | Week 13 | Week 12 | Week 11 | Week 10 | Week 9 | Week 8 | Week 7 | Week 6 | Week 5 | Week 4 | Week 3 | Week 2 | Week 1

Haha, you may have heard about Hillary Clinton’s victory in Pennsylvania over Barack Obama, but who really gives a fuck? There are more important news to worry about right now! For example, there are penis snatchers on the loose in Congo. Yes, these evil sorcerers use their black magic to make your cock disappear. If you see someone with a gold ring on, they’re probably an evil sorcerer out to steal your penis, so lynch them immediately! After providing the world with more AIDS than a 1980s rock band, Africa is now pioneering the art of penis snatching through witchcraft.

In other news, Australians have been beating off non-stop for months, maybe even years, to figure out if it helps prevent prostate cancer. And it does. Yes, that’s right, frequent masturbation helps prevent prostate cancer! Next time your wife or girlfriend catches you masturbating to the finest porn available on the Internet, just tell her you’re fighting cancer. She will be obligated to join in and give you a hand, otherwise she’s pretty much saying she wants you to get cancer and that’s not nice.

Note: Bold links are to genuine news articles. Everything else is hot, juicy porn.

So I was reading through some news articles a few minutes ago and came across this one about the crowning of the new Miss USA. This year’s all-American fuck fantasy is from Texas and she’s 26 years old… and black. And she’s not even a scandalous whore. What is this world coming to when beauty pageants aren’t won by stupid bitches and judged by racists who pick the winner based on who fucked the panel of judges in the dirtiest way?

But maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe it just takes a few days to dig up a scandal on this girl and she’s really a fucking hellbound cum dumpster who got fisted by all the judges ten minutes before she had to go get her makeup done for 3 hours to make sure they hide her acne-scar-ridden face and signs of a horrible meth addiction. Yes, yes. Maybe she’s the filthiest skank of them all and has maggots in her cooch. Who knows? All I know is that I’ll be vigorously masturbating at the thought of her doing coke off a dead hooker’s asshole while Donald Trump shoves carrots in her dirty butt. That should hold me over while I wait for the real story on this slag.

In other news, Barack Obama is evil and wants all white people to die, Hillary Clinton is going to stop crime by putting every gun in the United States of America in her twat… and John McCain finally gets to defend something other than the Republican party as a whole because Mr. Bush has managed to ride them all straight into the shitter. Voting is overrated. Just smoke crack and get AIDS instead.